Selasa, 07 Januari 2014

6 weeks

In 6 weeks our lives will change forever, ok they already kind of have but they will really change then. 
On February 15th 2012, I went to the Dr. and discovered it was not the flu side lining me for a week.  It was the 9 month flu.  Sure not a big deal for some, maybe not for many.  But for us it was and still is.  I have been told for all my adult life I had less than a 1% chance of ever having kids.  I adjusted to that early on, Dan knew this 10 years ago when we met. (I had learned to disclose this information early on in relationships to save myself the heartache).  We had always said (usually in late night tipsy “deep” conversations) that if it ever happened we would deal with it and be happy and we wouldn’t’ go out of our way to not get pregnant yet not take any steps to get pregnant.  But neither of us ever thought it would happen.  You know the saying “If it is meant to be it will be”, yeah we assigned it to this and never examined it further.
Dan, my wonderful, wonderful Dan, took the news in stride.  Consoled his crying girlfriend of 10 years told me it would be okay, looked stunned, and I sat there crying and nervous smiling while I watched so many emotions and thoughts go over his face.  He then had to leave for an errand and I decided there was no way I could go to class, I mean who can concentrate on Physics when biology is throwing you for a loop.  When he returned, he had my engagement ring with him.  The man had already lined up proposing to me and still wanted to go through with that even with my news.  Amazing how in the time span of seriously 6 hours total your life changes.
So here we are, almost the end of August, 6 weeks to our estimated due date and excited as all heck! I have a huge belly, with stretch marks I love to look at and touch, I still jump at the feeling of her moving inside me and still wake up some days shocked this is not a dream. 
Dan and I have often wondered why in our ups and downs we always found our way back, why life threw us the pain and curve balls it did, why our hearts were broken by others to the point we thought we would forever be alone.  We now know it was to prepare us for each other.  Neither of us are perfect, and nothing worth having is easy so we have our ups and down (who doesn’t).  But we have a love between each other that has survived the healing and growing that has happened in 10 years.  And on top of getting to be with the man that takes me for who I am each day even at my worst we get to share our love with a beautiful baby girl!
So many thoughts run through my head daily.  What will she look like? Will she have red hair? Will her hair curl like his when it starts to grow out?  Will she love to laugh as much as we do?  Will she play soccer (please oh please say yes).  Can I do this???  The only answer I know for sure is that yes I can do this.  Come hell or high water this little girl will grow up loved and protected.